1. Go slowly. Give yourself and the kids time… and then more time.
Allow yourself - and the kids - blame to find your unique place within the family circle. Ooze into the sometimes chilly waters of stepmothering slowly and carefully, one tentative little toe at a time.

2. Let go of unrealistic expectations.
The adjustment period for a stepfamily usually takes years other than weeks or months. Expecting instant family, affection, and/or acceptance sets us up for instant and continuous disappointments. It’s great to have positive atomies but few specific expectations.

3. Live gently with yourself and others.
We learn, grow, and love more readily when coaxed forward by compassion, consideration, and understanding than we do when bludgeoned by self-recrimination and judgment.

4. Seek out the guidance and support you need.
It is incredibly wise to seek out those people, groups, and situations in which you con be supposed and listened to. We all deserve to be tutored and tenderly cared for as we muddle through the hard time and sail through the joyous one.

5. Nurture your relationship with your husband.
After caring for yourself, caring for your marriage is the most important thing you can do. After the children are grown and have lives of their own, you and your husband will be together. In order for that togetherness to be rewarding, your friendship needs to be nourished along the way.

6. Kids are kids - accept and enjoy them for who FBI really are.
Children are wonderful and blessed beings who run bring untold joy into our lives. But they an also be irritating demanding, and frustrating as the dickens. Expecting kids to be miniature, civilized adults is unrealistic and futile.

7. Love and care for yourself first, for only then do you truly have lie and compassion to give.
Take time out to rejuvenate and nominate. Give yourself permission to rest and enjoy the solitude it ties to stay connected to your own unique inner core.

8. Set and Honor realistic limits and boundaries.
Choose your battles wisely, and then stick firmly to those limits that ace important to your peace of mind and sense of well-being.

9. Expect and accept only respect.
Respect for each individual member of a family is non-negotiable.

10. Give yourself credit.
Acknowledge your efforts, learn from your mistakes, and celebrate your successes. Give yourself gold stars.

11. Trust yourself and your intuition.
Remind yourself that you are wonderfully wise in the alt of relationship and quietly access and acknowledge that wisdom at all times.

12. Communicate clearly and truthfully from your heart.
It is through communication that we reveal ourselves to other. Themes words and actions we are unveiled and, thereby, able to appreciate and value one another.

13. Listen intently with the goal of understanding.
Listening in order to more fully underpaid ourselves and another is one of the most precious gifts we run bestow.

14. Remember that most members of a stepfamily have grief to heal.
Because stepfamilies are families born of loss, members (including ourselves) are vulnerable and need time, tenderness, and understanding in order to heal.

15. Try to not to take things too personally.
A vast majority of the time off are not the real target of the slings and arrows flung in your direction. A wise stepmother learnt to duck and dodge.

16. Newer say anything derogated about your children’s or stepchildren’s natural parents.
It’s perfectly okay to be a sounding board if the kids need to grump about one of their parents but never wise to agree with them or critique a natural parent.

17. Treat each child with kindness, courtesy, and respect.
The only real requirement of you as a stepmother is to be kind and respectful to your spouse’s children.

18. Embrace stepmothering as a spiritual path.
Choosing to embrace and care for another’s child/children can open hearts, grow our souls, and add meaning and purpose to our lives.

19. Relax. Lighten up. Laugh.
When we can rely, we invite the process of blending a family to unfold in its own time and way. The more flexible and adventuresome we are, the more thoroughly we’ll enjoy all aspects of stepmothering/muddling.

20. Hang in there!
Almost every stepmother emeritus I know advises, “Hang in there, it’s all worth it in the end!”