Good Counsel: Local Advice

The ‘Supernanny’ approach

D&C Oct, 2006

Estalyn Walcoff

If you’re raising young kids and didn’t watch the first two seasons of Supernanny, make it a point to get the DVDS or tape it (Channel 13, PM, Mondays).

Jo Frost, star of the ABC-TV series and professional nanny, has won praise in Newsweek and The New York Times, and her parenting books have been international best sellers.

While your children are probably not as unruly as those on the show Frost’s lessons on childbearing are relevant to all families. And they work.

The payoff will be both immediate and long-lasting. How you handle your children during their early years (firmly and gently, please) will directly affect their behavior as teens.

This is how it works: If your toddler bites or hits, for example, you should tell her ”no” and put her on a time-out chair or step for a few minutes. If she gets up before the allotted time, place her back, over and over again. Do this consistently and gently, every time she bites or hits. If you’re out, do it when you get home. And make sure both parents are disciplining the same behaviors in the same way.

By saying ”no” and giving consequences, the child will come to internalize the ”no” so that it becomes part of her own self-talk. She eventually will be able to stop her own impulses without being told to do so. Twelve years later, you will have a child who has within herself the ability to curb new impulses - sneaking out of the house, experimenting with illegal drugs, getting in a car with a drunken driver - by saying ”no” to those desires.

Here are other tips from the show:

- Reward good behavior with praise. Catch your children doing something right every day and praise them for it.

- Maintain a daily routine. Kids feel safer with a routine and constant discipline.

- Breathe deeply 10 times before you discipline; don’t yell, hit or lecture.

- When disciplining children, get down so you can have eye contact and use a firm, authoritative voice.

- Each parent should spend one-on-one time daily with each child when possible. Have fun with them. This builds self-esteem.

Estalyn Walcoff is a psychotherapist in private practice in Brighton.